Has it really been 2 months?!

Wow – it’s been quite awhile since our last post and update. That was an accident. I knew that we had a busy summer, but I was hoping to at least write a few posts through out. But as our summer turned from busy to chaotic- that proved to be a difficult task.

So here we are 2 months later and I don’t even know where to start. I guess I’ll share what has most recently happened which has led to the prolonged absence from our blog. Ryan and I had hoped to share some wonderful news with you all… but were waiting till after our 2^nd prenatal visit to announce that we were pregnant. But at that visit, we learned that we had lost the baby. We were close to 3 months pregnant at the time. We were so excited about God growing our little family. But we’re learning (or shall I say, ‘trying to learn’) to surrender what we think this journey should look like and accept the things we cannot change and allow God to use them to draw us closer to Him. We desire greatly to be parents and trust that God will fulfill those desires in His time… it’s the having faith and patience part that we got to work on!

On a lighter note, Ryan recently started his new job. For those of you who don’t know, Ryan just made a career change from a civil engineer to a high school math teacher. I say ‘just made’, but it’s been a longer and more complicated process than that. Ryan had been looking for a teaching job ever since we came back from Africa (over 6 months) and finally got an offer in June. In the meantime, he had found work doing everything from cleaning toilets, coaching baseball, substituting in 3 different school districts, being a math tutor, and working a summer school program. Did I mention that he had also started going back to school full-time to get his Masters in Curriculum and Instruction? So, for the past several months, he has been spreading himself thin (and I’ve felt the affects of that!).

After a busy month of two trips to TN and my youngest niece staying with us – we are ready for summer to end. We’re looking forward to Ryan having a steady, more predictable work schedule and taking less classes himself. And since I’m already settled in my job, we feel we can finally relax. I’m already looking forward to winter and snow! Isn’t that sad? I guess that in my mind, summer equals busy-ness and winter signifies a time of rest.

So, that’s where we’ve been for the past 2 months. I apologize for our absence. I hope to not disappear like that again… God willing our schedules don’t become that busy again!

Now that I have seen, I am responsible

“Albertine”

I am sitting still
I think of Angelique
Her mothers voice over me
And the bullets in the wall where it fell silent
And on a thousandth hill, I think of Albertine
There in her eyes what I don’t see with my own
Rwanda

Now that I have seen, I am responsible
Faith without deeds is dead
Now that I have held you in my own arms, I cannot let go till you are

I am on a plane across a distant sea
But I carry you in me
And the dust on, the dust on, the dust on my feet
Rwanda

I will tell the world, I will tell them where I’ve been
I will keep my word
I will tell them Albertine

I am on a stage, a thousand eyes on me
I will tell them, Albertine
I will tell them, Albertine

I came across this video tonight and it struck a cord deep with in me. The words, the landscape, the buildings, the people, the children… it all reminded me of Sierra Leone. I could have sworn it was Sierra Leone… it took me back to our time there. I know at times it was very hard, but I find myself wanting to go back. I miss it. I miss Remie, Ali, Beatrice, Keyara… and so many others. I think about them often and wonder how they are doing.

I remember reading this book after we left Sierra Leone and recalling how we felt upon our departure. Almustafa has waited a long time to return to his birth place and is joyful as he learns he is leaving the city of Orphalese…

But as he descended the hill, a sadness came upon him, and he thought in his heart:

How shall I go in peace without sorrow? Nay, not without a wound in the spirit shall I leave this city.

Long were the days of pain I have spent within its walls, and long were the nights of aloneness; and who can depart from his pain and his aloneness without regret?

Too many fragments of the spirit have I scattered in these streets, and too many are the children of my longing that walk naked among these hills, and I cannot withdraw from them without a burden and an ache.

It is not a garment I cast off this day, but a skin that I tear with my own hands.

Nor is it a thought I leave behind me, but a heart made sweet with hunger and with thirst.

The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran

Ryan and I were ready to leave at the time… anxious to get home to what was familiar and comfortable… yet there was a sadness at the same time. Although we didn’t spend years in SL, I can liken our feelings to that above. And now as memories and faces come flooding back, all I can think is…

Now that I have seen, I am responsible.

We are responsible. I pray that God grows, not only me and Ryan, but in all of us, a heart and vision to live out this responisbility.

It’s Official!

It’s official! Cassidy is coming to Colorado! 8 planes, 6 tickets, 6 cities, 3 hrs, and $1000 later… it’s finally going to happen. Needless to say, it was a bit complicated and Ryan’s still trying to figure out how to make it work with our little budget – but nonetheless, we’re excited! Or I should I say… I’m ecstatic!

I’ve been waiting for 3 years to have my sister’s kids out here for the summer. My first niece (Savannah) was born when I was 12yrs, so I practically grew up with her like a lil sis.

(Savannah @ 4 1/2 yrs)

By the time Cassidy came along I was like a full-time babysitter and felt like they were my own kids. I got to take care of them, watch all their first moments, tuck ‘em into bed… and all those precious daily things you get to do with lil ones.

(Cassidy @ about 1yr)

Then Caleb came – the first boy! He wasn’t even a year old when Ryan and I moved to Colorado. So, I feel like I’ve really missed out on him. It’s not the same watching them grow up in pictures, over the phone, and the few times a year I get to see them.

(Caleb @ 1 day old)

I miss them all so much! So, I’m determined to get them all out here one by one, year at a time. We can’t afford to cart them all out here at once… and probably couldn’t handle all 3. So, this year is Cassidy’s…. hopefully next year will be Savannah’s… then the 3rd will be Caleb’s. That’s the plan at least.

(Now: Savannah 12, Caleb 3, Cassidy 9)

So, Ryan will go to TN the 2nd week of July, come back with Cassidy the 3rd week, then I’ll go to TN for the 4th week. It will be a bit chaotic, but definitely worth it! I’ll be counting down the days til Cassidy can come so we can spend an uninterrupted 10 days together, just me and her… and of course uncle Ryan!

Update….finally

“I used to think I was a missionary taking the gospel to Sierra Leone.  But now I realize that it was in Sierra Leone that I learned the gospel, and now I’m a missionary bringing the gospel to the people and churches of Colorado Springs.”

This quote/saying has been weighing on my heart lately and just wanted to quickly share it with you all.  I feel as though this summarizes exactly where I’m at right now.  Like Candace, I have avoided posting for way too long now, not because I didn’t have anything to write, but because I had too much that I wanted to get out.  Anyways, I wrote a quick update on my own blog if you’re interested:  www.ryanhewitt.wordpress.com

Taste and See

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About half way through our time here, Cami (the field director) took us to River #2 for some r & r. It was much needed. On our way there, she was telling us of all the beaches she’s been to all over the world, but by far she thought this beach was the most beautiful. Once we arrived, we understood why.

The landscape was breathtaking. A peaceful river winds its way through the mountains and comes to meet the ocean. The river was crystal clear, like the ocean, and created these lil islands as it made its way to the ocean. And there were these flock of white birds that kept flying from one place to the other on the beach. It was amazing. For the first several hours, we were the only ones on the beach. And to make even better, we had some of the best food we’ve had here yet. We had fresh baracuda from the sea (a fish you can’t eat in the states – so I’ve been told). The food was incredible, to say the least.

It is next to impossible to find a quite place to relax in Freetown… hardly anything goes as planned and doing simple tasks are even frustrating and difficult. And food has been… well, a bit difficult for me. So I was completely overwhelmed by the peacefulness and serenity of this beach. As me and Ryan were walking through the river, the only thing I could think of to describe the place was… bliss! I couldn’t stop gawking at the beauty and stop talking about how great the food was. With perfect timing, Ryan quoted Ps.34:8 – ‘Taste and see that the Lord is good’. Again, I was overwhelmed with God’s goodness and beauty as He blessed us with such wonderful day, to rest our minds and please our senses with His creation. It was a much needed day.

Keyara

Well, this is our last night with Keyara. Her parents will be in town soon and we are no longer needed. She has certainly been an unexpected pleasure while we’ve been here in Freetown. We had no idea that we’d come to Africa and get to play parents for 5 weeks. I must say that she has been such a blessing in so many ways. First of all, I have a few friends back home that just had lil ones of their own… I’ve been sad not to be there for their first weeks of life. But having sweet Keyara has made me feel closer to my friends and their lil ones. Second, me and Ryan have gotten really excited and more ready to start a family of our own. I’ve been around plenty of babies… but this is Ryan’s first real experience of being w/ such a tiny person. I think it’s bringing out that ‘daddy’ side of him. It’s really been beautiful for me to watch this unfold. And lastly, I believe God has opened our hearts more to adoption. I still really, really want to ‘carry’ a baby… but if for some reason I can’t… my heart is becoming more open to adoption.

While we’ll be happy to get more sleep, we’re still going to miss this sweet lil girl. She has been such a delight. She has kept us laughing and amazed. Sometimes she cries just so you will pick her up and gaze into her eyes. She will literally lock eyes w/ you and just want to stare. And she’s been doing this funny lil panting thing between cries and coughs… it’s really cute. I know Ryan’s going to miss playing his silly lil games w/ her as well. And we’re going to miss cuddling her at night.

I’ll leave you w/ some cute pics I snagged as Ryan was preparing for his turn to lead at Lighthouse and Keyara was by his side to listen and offer good advice…