Why do we do what we do?

As Candace and I have been stumbling along this journey over the past year or so, I continually find myself coming back to one question:  “Why do we do what we do?”  I ask myself this all the time and I’ve really struggled with it.  When we really start to question the daily activities of our lives, we find that we do many things simply because our society and culture has told us that this is ‘normal’.  Most of us have never taken the time to question why this is normal, if there is a better alternative, or even if it lines up with the life God has called us to.  Not only have we done this in our day-to-day lives but we’ve done it in the church as well.  In ”Mustard Seed vs. McWorld” by Tom Sine, he states that “The American church, in its many expressions, seems to quietly accept modern culture’s demands on its members as a given and then content itself with whatever is left.”

This book has been refreshing, as he addresses this very question I have struggled with.  He compares the biblical view of God’s kingdom, which Christ compares to a mustard seed, with the economic globalization of our age, which he calls McWorld.  He states that, “It doesn’t seem to have occured to many of us that we are in no way obligated to accept all the arrangements modernity hands us.” As Candace and I have slowly tried to break the grip that our culture has on us, we have realized a few important things about ourselves.  (1) The culture’s grip on us is tighter than we ever realized.   (2) Once we began to taste a new alternative to the world, we realized that we NEVER want to go back.  There’s no life in the materialism, individualism, and consumerism of modern culture.

So, I encourage you this week to simply ask yourself in certain situations, “Why am I doing this?”  It’s both refreshing and convicting as we realize that in many ways we are modern society’s puppets.  We need to join together and find a renewed, prophetic imagination to reclaim our lives and to experience the life that God has truly called us to.

Simple Acts of Solidarity: The Homeless pt.2

We really appreciate all the support we have received for our homeless solidarity project. More info will be posted soon on how you all can help out if interested.

So, I was able to go out a few mornings this past week to  spend a little time with my new brothers on the streets.  Honestly, I didn’t know what to expect.  I had my big backpack loaded up with stuff and an awesome coffee thermos I found at Goodwill for $4.  I walked around for about an hour and got to share a cup of coffee with 4 or 5 guys each morning. Meet some of my new friends:

1) Sam – Sam is an older guy, and definitely fit the stereotype of the homeless. He was a Gulf War veteran and had been on and off the streets for many years.  He has an awesome heart and spends a lot of his time at city council meetings and other venues trying to advocate for the homeless and fight for their rights.  It was amazing to see how selfless he was and how much he was looking out for his friends on the streets. He made sure everyone else got a pack before he took his.

2) John – John was with Sam when I walked up.  I originally thought John was in his early 30’s, but  I found out later as we were talking that he was actually 19.  He had been on the streets since he was 13, when he was kicked out because he couldn’t get along with his abusive stepfather (a leading cause of youth homelessness).  He has spent time on the streets of L.A., Denver, and CO Springs.  He is currently living under a bridge so I gave him a tent that I had brought along. I like John a lot and hope to spend some more time with him in the future.

3) Mountain Man – this guy was definitely a character, and unfortunately, like many homeless, he definitely had some mental problems.  It made for some fun stories though.  He said he had been living on Pikes Peak for the last 3 months and had found numerous artifacts there including a gold nugget and a cross filled with rubies.  He also said he was about to start his new job making $75/hour then he was gonna bring tents and sleeping bags to all his friends on the streets.  He was too prideful to take one of the homeless packs I had brought, but once I showed him the McDonald’s card, he changed his mind.

4) Alvin – I am pretty sure Candace and I have seen Alvin on the streets before.  He looks like  Santa Claus with big red cheeks and a big white beard. As he walked up I offered him coffee and asked how he was doing.  He said he couldn’t get a job because he has epileptic seizures and that he got kicked out of the local shelter because of his drinking.  He is supposed to be on disability but can’t get it from the government.  I didn’t spend long with Alvin, but he was very appreciative of the pack and the coffee.  Before I left, I asked if he needed anything else and he said just needed a handshake.

I have truly enjoyed my time with the people on the streets of CO Springs.  As I was sitting there on the sidewalk, sipping coffee with a few guys this past Sunday, multiple people walked by dressed in their Sunday best, obviously headed for church. It just felt weird, ironic, and sad. I felt God confirm in me that it’s not in the walls of the church where I’m gonna find him right now, but amongst those men on the street.  I can’t think of a better place to celebrate Jesus’ resurrection this coming Easter Sunday than with my new friends.

Christmas thoughts

It’s late and I can’t sleep. I just can’t stop thinking about how much our realities have changed in a matter of a week. Just over a week ago we were in Freetown, Sierra Leone. One of our last days there was spent in Kroo Bay at our last Good News Club. We were handing out tickets for the Christmas party that we wouldn’t be able to attend. This Christmas party wasn’t just any ole Christmas party… this was ‘the’ Christmas party to these kids. And I can’t believe me and Ryan were not there for it.

And now, I can’t believe how much I have been stuffing my face w/ all this holiday food when I just left hundreds of starving kids in Kroo Bay. It disturbs me how easy it is for me to return to this ‘American culture’. I had hoped that 4 months in a foreign country so different from our culture would help break me from this American culture… but I’m realizing that it is going to take so much more. I don’t know how to reconcile these 2 worlds. 4 months in Sierra Leone isn’t enough to break years of over-indulgence and self-centeredness. I wish it was… but it takes something much greater than a ‘place’ to break free from those bondages.

And of all the times to return from one of the poorest countries… to one of the richest at the most over-indulgent, commercialized, and hypocritical times of year. Do I sound a bit bitter? Sorry, but I’m just a lil confused and frustrated at what Christmas has turned into. Everything just feels so unsettled for me right now. Nothing makes any sense. It just doesn’t seem right that I was worried whether my nieces and nephew would have enough this Christmas when they opened countless gifts in a matter of a few days when only a lucky 300 kids from one of the poorest slums in Sierra Leone only got one gift while the rest recieved none. It didn’t feel right to open so many gifts myself.

I apoligize for those of you who were looking for a warm and fuzzy holiday post. But these are just some of my thoughts as Ryan and I are struggling through the holidays back in America after our short stay in SL. If anything, I think struggling through all of this is really making me and Ryan re-evaluate our own lives and why we do what we do. One thing I have noticed is that me and Ryan have been closer this Christmas than we ever have before. And I’m thankful for that.

[For those of you who may not know what I'm refering to: the ministry we served with in SL runs a weekly program (Good News Club) in one of the poorest slums in SL and they have a big Christmas party that hundreds of kids look forward to all year. They get to feast on good food, open a present, dance and have fun, and get loved on by the awesome people who plan the whole event. But only a portion of all those kids can go b/c of limited space and resources, hence the tickets. For those of you who are interested, you can read here about this years' Christmas party.]

Random Questions

Honestly, I’m struggling right now so this post is going to be pretty random, but I feel like writing to try to bring some sense to all these questions circling in my head.  It’s funny because I’m not struggling with the type of things that I thought I would be dealing with here.  I’m not struggling because I’m missing people or the food or hot showers or air conditioning, and it’s not that I’m struggling because my heart has been so broken by the poverty.  Rather, I’m just overwhelmed with so many questions about myself, this country, America, the world, etc.  So here we go, this is my attempt to get out some of the thoughts flying through my mind:

1) I don’t understand this culture.  I feel like I haven’t had a true conversation with any locals here during the whole time that we’ve been here.  It seems that any time someone is “nice” and we begin to have what feels like a semi-normal conversation, they always conclude with “I want you to be my friend” or “I want you to be my brother”.  Basically, this is code for ”You’re white and rich so I want you to give me something.”  I’m sick of beggars and random people on the street asking for money, just because we’re white.  It is getting so old. I’m growing increasingly bitter towards them. It makes me wonder what we’re even doing here.  This feeling rises up within me that says, “How dare you ask anything of me, I’m here trying to help your country, isn’t that enough?” which leads me into thought #2.

2) Where does this feeling come from?  In having that type of attitude, am I in some way placing myself on a pedestal above them?  My attitude seems to be, “Look, I’m here trying to help fix the problems in your country” which in turn is saying ” I have answers to your problems, so stop asking anything else from me and just be grateful for what I’m offering to you.”  It’s true, I think that’s the attitude of my heart, but I hate it.  That wasn’t Christ’s attitude.  This is an attitude of pride.  This attitude says “I’m better than you, but look I’m choosing to come and try to help you”. Christ was humble, and I’m seeing that I’m not, but how would Christ handle this?  How am I supposed to handle it?

3) All this in turn leads me to the question, “What is the world coming to?”  I feel like I’m losing hope in humanity.  I don’t understand this culture, where people will lie, cheat, steal, or do anything just to get ahead slightly.  You truly can not trust anyone here, it’s unheard of.  The moment you start to trust someone, they will turn on you or take advantage of you.  But then I have to ask myself, “Who am I to talk?” I’ve never been hungry, I’ve never had to worry about where my basic necessities are going to come from.  How can I judge them when I’ve never walked even an hour in their shoes?  Do I think so highly of myself that I believe that I wouldn’t do the same thing if my child was starving beside me?

4) Then as always, I turn to America.  It may look a lot different, but most of us in America operate with the same mentality and attitude.  We will do what we have to do to get ahead.  Every man for himself.  Not only that but we justify all the ”necessities” in our life.  At least in Africa they are turning a blind eye to their starving neighbor because they’re starving themselves.  In America, we turn a blind eye to our starving neighbors while we are throwing leftovers in the trash.

Like I said, this post is random.  Sorry if you’re reading this hoping that I make some sort of point of it all, because I don’t have one.  It seems that the longer I’m here, the more questions I have rather than answers, but maybe that’s OK, maybe that’s what life’s about.  I’m learning that I just have to believe that God is up to something whether I can see it or not, that in the midst of the poverty and pain and human crap, God is up to something.  It’s difficult when you can’t see it, but I guess that’s why it’s faith.

‘Home’

Before I get into ‘how’ I am doing, I thought I’d share a bit about our first night since Ryan has already posted about our past few days.

Our first night here was very interesting to say the least. I guess you could say we were a bit freaked out, but we are doing much better now. As we got off the plane in Freetown, we met up w/ our servant team leader. We thought things were going unusually smooth as we got our bags and headed out of the airport, until we met all the people outside who wanted to ‘help’ us. That was crazy – I felt like we had to fight 20 or so men for our bags – we couldn’t even walk. Then we took the hovercraft over to Freetown and briefly met a few of the staff before Cami took us to meet and stay w/ our Sierra Leone family. By this time it was getting really late – about 10pm… which seems really late when you are in a foreign country that doesn’t have electricity all the time. Not long after meeting our family and getting us settled in our room, Cami left. As me and Ryan just sat there, we were realizing how unprepared we were. We had no idea of the culture we were in and this style of life – which is much simpler than America. For the first night and following day, we were really freaked out, just b/c we didn’t understand the culture (we didn’t want to offend anyone by doing weird American things), we didn’t know the family we were living w/, and it was harder to communicate w/ the locals than what I thought. But after few days and a lot of answered questions, we feel much better, safer, and more comfortable than what we originally felt.

I love our family. They are so sweet and nice to us. The only hard thing about it is that I am having a really hard time w/ the language. Even the locals’ English is hard for me to understand (b/c of the thick Krio accent). So, I feel like I have a hard time communicating w/ our family. I shy away from knowing them b/c I can’t understand what they are saying, and b/c I don’t know Krio yet, I think they have a hard time understanding me.

These past few days have been filled w/ a lot of questions for me. I wonder, ‘why are we here? how can we really help?’ and many more questions that are too hard for me to put into words. I look around and think about the short time we are here and can’t help but think that it is not enough time to really make a difference and help. I feel selfish for being here for the length of time we are b/c I feel like Ryan and I will gain from it more than what we offer. I feel like we have already seen how this trip will ‘benefit’ us and draw us closer to God… but I don’t understand what I can do to help… and for that I feel selfish. I hope that as time passes and we find out how we will be spending our days, that I will begin to see that; but for now… I’m still wondering. I can already see how God is going to use our time here to strengthen me and Ryan’s marriage. We already feel so much closer. And w/in the first hr of being in Freetown, I could see how God was already pricking my heart and how He could possibly be using this trip to challenge something He’s been teaching me since I first came to know Him…

As Cami was taking us to our family’s house that first night, she was telling us that she had been here for 5 yrs (1 of those yrs being by herself!). I asked her if this place felt like ‘home’ to her yet (a question I had asked a few other staff members already), and I can’t remember her exact answer, but it was something along the lines of - no, b/c this place was not her ‘Home’ and that she was just a visitor here trying to do the best w/ the time God had given her. That statement hit me like a ton of bricks, b/c ever since I came to know God personally, He has continually been teaching me of Heaven – my true Home. I would say that everything that God has done in my life or has taught me has always led back to this… Heaven… His dwelling… my Home. For those of you who know me, you know what I’m talking about… and for those of you who don’t know me that well, it’s just too much for me to explain at the moment. But anyways, the next night we went walking on the beach w/ some of the staff and a few of the children. One of the boys was holding my hand as we walked and I remember looking around and thinking about everything and feeling so uncomfortable. I didn’t know how to communicate w/ this boy or understand him, I didn’t feel at ‘home’. Nothing felt cozy or comfortable… not even the beach. And then I realized… maybe what I was feeling was right. Maybe I’m supposed to feel like a visitor here (on this planet) all the time. Being a ‘visitor’ in another country has made me realize that I am always a ‘visitor’. This place is not my ‘Home’. My home is not in Colorado, Tennessee, or here in Sierra Leone. It is w/ my Father, where my mother has already gone. My mother is at Home. I am just here until I join her w/ the rest of my Father’s children when our time here is over. And like Cami, I want to learn to do the best w/ the time God has given me, instead of spending my time and energy trying to make my ‘home’ here. I guess this lesson is a big one for me to learn b/c after being here a few short days, I have realized how I have tried to make this place my ‘home’ and God is teaching me that my Home is elsewhere and He hasn’t called me there yet… He has asked me to be here for now. So, I guess I’m learning to be a ‘visitor’ wherever I am… not just in this unfamiliar country.